Dilip Kumar Roy
(Dilip Kumar Roy:) “When I met the Mother for the first time in August 1928, I was struck by her sweet personality and felt a deep exhilaration which I could not account for. The joy left a cadence of music in my heart, though, of course, there could be no question of surrendering my will to hers. The first question I asked her was whether what Sri Aurobindo called the Yogic Force acting through her personality could achieve anything ‘tangible’. She gave me an amused smile.
“What do you mean by tangible?”
Mother smiled once more.
“I can try,” she said simply. “You are at the Hotel? When do you retire for the night?” “At nine.” “Meditate at that hour in your room – try to open yourself to me and I will concentrate on you from here. Maybe you will get something which cannot be explained away even by such impressive names scientific or otherwise.” ...
So, naturally, I sat down to meditation in a flawlessly confident mood. I did indeed expect to see so many things: lights, colours, some figures, with luck maybe even a radiant form – who knows?
Suddenly I found my body stiffening and I started perspiring profusely; then – to my complete discomfiture – my heart beat so fast that I got scared. What is all this? Suddenly I remembered and took the Mother's name. At once the palpitation ceased. But I was wet all over with perspiration, and the tension in my body increased till my muscles became so still that I felt a positive pain.
As soon as the palpitation ceased, my fear left me but not my astonishment. For palpably, some extraneous force was acting on my body – a force the like of which I had never experienced so vividly before! Also, obviously, it had nothing to do with auto-suggestion since I had never even imagined that an invisible Force could so convincingly twist the live, material muscles of a strong sceptic – healthy, wide-awake and normal to his fingertips!”[1]
(Mother to Dilip, 1931:) “Dilip,
For God's sake come back to your common sense.
I never said that I would see you no more. Sri Aurobindo asked you only to be patient...”[2]
(Mother, 1933:) “Dilip, (I almost feel inclined to add: big child!)
You are quite mistaken. I enjoyed your music very much; indeed it was quite beautiful. But as I am to see you tomorrow, I was keeping the subject for then – as I have some rather interesting details to give which I think will please you, but would be somewhat too long to write. I can also explain better these things orally, give them with the voice a life that the pen can't give. But I never expected that you would take such a short silence for a sign of indifference – as this was extremely far from my consciousness.
Till tomorrow then, joyfully.”[3]
(Mother, 1935:) “Dilip,
After reading your letter now, just a word to tell you that you are mistaken. I actually missed your presence at pranam and am sorry you did not come.
If you had listened inwardly you would have heard me calling you.”[4]
(Mother, 1937:) “Dilip,
I just opened your letter and read: “Today Mother at pranam was very cold” and stopped there rather amused.
No, I was not very cold – I had a cold which is not quite the same, and I was struggling with it. I thought you were aware of it. Anyhow, now that you know...”[5]
(Mother, 1 December 1938:) “Dilip,
I have communicated your letter to Sri Aurobindo. He asks me to say that he is afraid it is not possible; until the doctors declare the knee cured only those who are necessary for attendance and service are admitted. If this rule were not kept there would be many demands on Him and likelihood of pressure and fatigue. So for the present at least it is not possible to say yes.
He sends you his blessings and along with them are mine.”[6]
(Mother, 15 December1938:) “Dilip,
You say that I don't love you, this is not at all true – but it is inevitable in the present circumstances that my time and attention should be concentrated on Sri Aurobindo and this is a thing which all those who reverence him must surely find quite natural. Neither you nor any others should allow yourselves to think or even feel unconsciously that this preoccupation is due to want of love.”[7]
(Mother, January 1939:) “Dilip,
I have just read your three letters to Sri Aurobindo. He is glad to see that you are beginning to recover from this attack. He is very glad that you have seen how unfounded is the doubt of our love for you and that the ideas of death and suicide are not at all called for. We hope you will never allow this doubt and these ideas to take hold of your mind again.”[8]
(Mother to Dilip, March 1939:) “Dilip,
We were very glad to read your letter. We shall certainly give you all the help possible to carry out your resolution and the aspiration behind it. I feel sure that with an earnest and sustained effort you will conquer and effect the opening for which you have been striving and preparing for so long.”[9]
(Mother, 22 January 1940:) “Dilip,
Our help and force are with you for the new year of your life.
I am sure that with persevering and sincere aspiration the barrier you feel and the internal difficulties will melt away.
With our love and blessings
P.S. Here are a few candies from France.”[10]
(Mother, December 1941:) “Dilip,
You should make it a rule never to listen to this voice or accept the suggestions that come with it. It is clear from where it comes; it is the voice of untruth, the voice of the adversary which comes to almost everybody who follows the way of yoga, suggesting doubt and denial and incapacity and defeat. You must meet it always as you did this time. You should also reject such suggestions as those about your being a hindrance and going away for that reason; it comes from the same source and has no truth and indeed no substantial meaning that we can discover.”[11]
(Mother to Dilip, 1951:) “Dilip,
Sri Aurobindo has made our realisation independent from all world circumstances, and he always considered you as part of the realisation; so there is no true ground for depression.
I expect you to shake it off, with the help of my love and blessings.”[12]
(Vijay:) “I landed in Bombay in Afghan rags, barefoot. My idea of India was a bit like Tiruvanamalai, and then I was in the center of Bombay and thinking: “What is this?” I was asking people on the street, “Where are the gurus? Where are the teachers?” Maybe they smiled, but they understood. They gave me several addresses. And the nearest one was Dilip Kumar Roy in Pune.
I went there. He was living in a house like a marriage cake, pink with all sorts of colors, surrounded by terrible slums. It was surreal, this little oasis of cleanliness. He was absent, so I waited two weeks for him. My idea of a guru was someone like Ramana Maharshi, the ascetic type. DK Roy looked like an old woman, he was fat, and in his office where he received me he had a wall full of Coca-Cola! It was not my idea of a guru at all. I stayed a week or two. When he sang bhajans, he was transformed. He would tear his hair and cry. The songs were very beautiful, but when they were translated – I remember one about baby Krishna begging, not begging for money but for your love – I could not relate to them. So after some time, Dilip told me, “My son, a bhakta you are not, and I very much doubt you will ever be; you are a mental, intellectual being utterly devoid of love for Krishna, so this place isn't for you. Sri Aurobindo's Ashram, where I lived for ten years, is much more suited to your bend of mind.” And he sent me to Pondicherry.”[13]
- ↑ Dilip Kumar Roy, Sri Aurobindo came to me, p.211
- ↑ New Correspondences of the Mother, Sri Aurobindo Ashram, 2020, p.201
- ↑ Ibid., p.204
- ↑ Ibid., p.206
- ↑ Ibid., p.208
- ↑ Ibid., p.209
- ↑ Ibid., p.211
- ↑ Ibid., p.213
- ↑ Ibid., p.215
- ↑ Ibid., p.216
- ↑ Ibid., p.222
- ↑ Ibid., p.226
- ↑ Turning Points: An inner story of the beginnings of Auroville, First Edition, p.56, “Where are the gurus?”
