André Hababou
(André Hababou:) “I lived in Marseille. At the time, people used to make chalk drawings on the pavement in the Vieux Port. There was a man with an incredible charisma who made beautiful drawings. He also exhibited his paintings. I felt attracted to him. We started talking. He spoke about spirituality. I did not understand anything, but I felt strangely satisfied. He gave me books about India, on Ramakrishna, Vivekananda. These Indian spiritual masters talked in a very simple way explaining that one could find the Divine. I was surprised; I didn't know that a human being could find the Divine. I thought this was only for Christ or Moses... I felt then that my life was going to change.
One day I came home and on the television there was a programme about Pondicherry. I saw the Mother. I did not know anything about all this but when I saw her photo, there was like a smile coming from my heart – without understanding anything.
I kept on reading. I discovered the book Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda. I had become friends with the artist of the Vieux Port, Topten, and together we decided to go to Corsica. But before leaving, we entered a bookshop and there we saw a book called The Adventure of Consciousness. We took it with us to Corsica. I tried meditating hoping to find my inner being, but I must have been a little clumsy! Topten was reading the Adventure and he kept telling me, “This is more extraordinary than all the books you have read!” I said, “But how is it possible that there is something more extraordinary than to find the Divine?”
When I left Corsica, I took the book with me and I read it in Marseille. When I was finished with it, I was astonished. I felt I had become a disciple of Mother and Sri Aurobindo. It was a great joy. But I wanted to practice. I tried but I could not get any experience. I could not talk to anybody about my discovery. I lasted for months.
One day my girlfriend suggested, “Why don't you write a letter to the Ashram?” In the book there was the address. It must have been in February 1968. I wrote saying that I had a hard time trying to practice this yoga and that I would like to come to the Ashram for some time. Pavitra replied, “In Sri Aurobindo's yoga, the difficulty is the lever. You can come and stay here for some time.” He also sent me a brochure on Auroville that had just come out. When I saw this brochure, it was like a revelation, an immense joy. “But this is where I must live!” On its first page, there was a picture of the galaxy, then the Charter, The Dream and a photo of Mother. When I saw the galaxy, I thought that the city was already there and that its inhabitants were transformed beings! I was even afraid that I would not be up to the mark. Anyway, it was a very intense moment in my life. I rushed to give this news to Thopten, but to my surprise he did not show the same enthusiasm.
I sold my paintings in order to get money. I did not even think of flying. I left by the road with some hippie friends. I had a little money and my Tunisian passport.
In Afghanistan, when I applied for a visa at the Indian Consulate, the Consul asked me, “How long do you want to stay in India?” Like an idiot I replied, “All my life!” He said, “Then I cannot give you a visa.” I tried to correct, “All right, no, then three months.” But he was adamant, “No, this is not enough. We have to send an aerogram to the Ashram asking them to confirm that you will only stay for three months.” I paid for the aerogram...”[1]
(André Hababou:) “When I arrived at the Ashram, they didn't want to let me enter. I think they were fed up with hippies. Nevertheless it gave me a shock. I asked to see Pavitra, and I was allowed in. Pavitra was pale; he looked extremely tired. I asked him what the news was in relation to the transformation of the body(!) He looked at me... with an expression of great compassion, as if to say, “You don't know what's in store for you.” I told him that I had read the brochure on Auroville and that I wanted to live there. He asked me if I had money. I replied, “Yes, a little, but I am not a beggar, I want to live and work in Auroville. You are building a city. I have a skill that you need; I can work as an architect.” I found it curious that a senior Ashramite like him did not seem to know much about what was happening in Auroville. “Do you have a photo?” I gave him a passport photo. He said, “Come back in a few days, I am going to show your photo to Mother.” Three days later he said, “Mother accepts you. You came here driven by a great aspiration.”
From that day onwards it was incredible: I was not asked for money any more, I was given free board and lodging. I wasn't even asked to work!
I would stroll in the streets of the colonial town, full of bougainvillea. I felt I was in paradise. I remember walking with a friend in the evening along the Cours Chabrol, looking at the stars: we were flying through the sky! That kind of an atmosphere perhaps is to be found on earth once in 5,000 years! Such joy, such serenity! And that amazing feeling of the divine Presence – it was almost palpable. I had never felt so safe. I discovered the books of Mother, the Entretiens. I felt a deep gratitude to her for accepting me and I thought that the best way to repay that gift was to practice what I had read in the Entretiens. There was such an atmosphere! I had experiences which I had never had before. It was like a fire starting to burn in my chest.
One month later, I was in Parc Guest-House, I was sitting on the grass and suddenly I had the experience of the psychic being. Like a ball which turns inside out. I was in a state of joy, of knowledge. When one gets this experience, one feels that one was born for this, and not for anything else than this. Everything becomes a living symbol, in opposition to the ordinary world which is flat. Everything has a meaning, everything is full of consciousness. I went down to the ocean and I saw it as an entity. I could see the waves rise and fall; there was movement but no time. Now and then, I could feel a deep sadness; I looked inside and I could see that it was my ego. Perceiving that it was the ego made the state of joy come back. I spent the afternoon going back and forth between the psychic being and the sadness of the ego.
That experience disappeared the following day. It had lasted one afternoon but it left a life-long imprint on me.
After a few days, I realise now, the ego took possession of the experience. Those things are so intense that one likes to think one is a great yogi! I am ashamed now when I think about it.
Pavitra asked someone to take me to Auroville. That was when I discovered that there was nothing on the land.”[2]
(André Hababou:) “I met Roger. I had written to Mother telling her about my life. My letter must have been a bit confused. I was telling her about the difficulties I had in my life in France. I didn't know anymore if I should stay in the Ashram or go to Auroville, etc. It was a long letter. She answered, “Go and work with Roger.” I expected something longer (laugh). No fluff!
I was the first draughtsman to work with Roger. At the outset, I was surprised because I expected here to find ascetic people with an inner quest, and all I could see was a bourgeois, who had had a successful career and who possessed a great charisma. So at the beginning I did not hit it off with him. But I was surprised to observe his sense of perfection and beauty. I had worked in architecture offices in France where it was not so creative and where the sense of perfection was far from being developed to such an extent. I could see that Roger's way was special. I was quite fascinated.
One day Roger said, “Don't you want to go and see Mother?” I have to admit that I had been trying to postpone the visit. I didn't want to show myself in an unflattering light. I wanted to recover the state in which I had been, but of course I couldn't because you can't force these things...
I went with him. We waited on that terrace. The vibration was so intense. I entered and I saw Mother sitting with her back turned three-quarter to us; I was surprised. So I turned around and went to her. What I could see was closed eyes, a bent back; the impression of a very old person. I could not prevent myself from thinking of somebody senile, and I thought, I am just going to give her my rose out of respect and then leave. I even thought, I hope there are some people here to be able to succeed her.
I was going to hand out the rose when suddenly her eyes became huge.
I felt she wanted to know me, to know who I was. But I did not want to show myself (of course all this was in silence). She looked at me and I did not want to be seen. I tried to escape but I could not. It was like a struggle, so tense that I almost passed out. So many negative thoughts assailed me, I had no control anymore. It came out of me continuously like a black cloud. Then I looked at her as if to say, “All right, now you know what is inside.” At that very moment her face became the face of a small 14 year-old girl, with such a delightful smile. The atmosphere had completely changed and I realised that that smile was the same that was inside of me; the same smile. I was bathing in an immobile white light.
Again, some negative vibration came out of me. I was ashamed and I wanted to ask Roger to apologize for me. But Mother intervened with an expression of an unspeakable, unconditional love, as if she silently said, “Don't worry, it's nothing, I understand.” Such an amazing compassion! She communicated to me without me having to explain... She had become myself. I thought, but this is the Divine! I raised my head and I saw that she had perceived that I recognized her as the Divine. She smiled. She was having fun. Something in me opened totally, giving all my love to her, and I felt as if a beam of light was directed onto me. A vibration again came: but what are you doing now in front of this old lady? You're nuts! This cut off the ray of light, and I lowered my head, ashamed that my own limitations had made beauty disappear.
When I raised it again, Mother was handing me a big red rose. I had the impression that the rose sprang inside me. I took it and I did not want to leave because you will again knock against other human beings while in her presence you live in oneness. I realised Roger was looking at me and I started reproaching Mother, “But how could you expose me in front of that person?” (whom I found a little... dense, as I said before). I looked at Mother and she was like a scale, impersonal; she did not judge me but what I had expressed was clearly only my problem. I left.
While leaving, I heard her say to Roger, “Qui c'est?” [who is he?] I found it so strange: how can she ask who I am when she knows me entirely?”[3]