=1 "Computer stories"

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Computer stories

by The Old Computer


Archaeologists have succeeded in deciphering a pictogram in Les Eyzies cave in southern France which was discovered beside the parietal drawing of a huge mammoth:
“Thus speaks the old mammoth to the little boy: Now your brains are small and insignificant. But the time will come when man will have giant brains like the mammoths.”


Man to robot salesman: “I should like to have a new domestic servant.”
Salesman: “Here we have something very sophisticated...”
Man: “No, no! The one I have is already too sophisticated. Each time I use the verb ‘think’ in the first person, he rolls on the floor shaking with laughter.”


Once I asked the old fellow, somewhat awed by his capacity to deal with difficult questions:
“Did you ever meet a problem you could not solve?”
“My dear boy,” he answered, “what a human question. Only humans have problems, or a rat which a human has put into a labyrinth. To a human mind everything is a problem, the whole universe. But we computers don't have problems. We have only solutions. We have been specially built for that. We go from solution to solution, and we stop when we run out of data. But problems, no. You see, a problem means you have lost your programming, or there is a short circuit in your lines of reasoning. Better get it repaired.”