Darshan of the Mother
“You know, when people come to see me, I do not look at the outer appearance, but what they have within, their soul, the aspiration, the effort for progress, whether they are conscious of their inner being, whether they have an urge to perfect themselves, or whether they are very developed mental beings and who are exclusively guided by their mental ideas. I see only this [soul] force, this consciousness and what they are capable of. I see their soul, their capacity to hold the consciousness. I never see the exterior of a man, but all that he has potentially, what he can truly make of his life, if he has a possibility or not.”
(Vijay:) “Of what I saw when Her door finally opened to me, I could never say but only give the vaguest of hints: a body was there wrapped in golden silk or seemed to be in a certain light, and yet it was so magical, as if... transparent, glowing from within, like a window to infinite, endless wide open dimensions. My first impression was of infinite, multidimensional spaces opening in front of me, and I felt as if I had lived my whole life in a matchbox. Eyes were there which looked into my utmost depths like I was utterly naked within, which saw all I ever was and every event of my life, saw even the most shameful and terrible things I ever did but without any judgment or condemnation at all, like the sun casting its rays upon all things on earth big or small alike, be they dirty slums, battlefields or mountain peaks.
A mouth and a warm smile were there, and suddenly I became aware of a rising tide, wave after wave of Her infinite Love engulfing me, and I felt then that I would be forever safe in Her...
But at the same time I felt so ashamed of being myself, still existing and being nothing. Like never before, I became aware of all my shallowness, of being so terribly unworthy of Her Love, and something in me cried out then, “Mother, see all the darkness in my heart, all the violence and lust in my heart, how I am deeply crippled in my spirit and inwardly blind; You know how I did hurt even some who loved me. Please forgive me for having defiled Your spaces with my presence, for Who You were, I knew not...”
But She just kept smiling and smiling to me with infinite love for a time which seemed to have no end.”
“I had another interesting example, with a visitor: a German industrial magnate, it seems. I had seen his photo and found there was something in him – I had him come. He entered the room and came in front of me: he didn't know what to do (no one had told him anything). So I looked at him and put some force (Mother slowly lowers her hand), a little, progressively. And all at once ... (at first he was quite official, it was MISTER So-and-so who was there), all at once his left hand began to rise, like this (gesture of a hand clenched as in trance), all the rest was absolutely still. When I saw that, I smiled and withdrew the force, then let him go. It seems he went downstairs, went into Sri Aurobindo's room and started weeping. Afterwards, the next day, he wrote to me and told me in German English that I had been “too human”: “Why have you been too human?” He wanted his being to be DESTROYED in order to be born again to the true life.
That interested me. I thought, “Oh, he felt it, he was conscious both of the force and of my withdrawing it.” I answered him, “True, I spared you, but because it was your first visit! Prepare yourself, I will see you again.”
You see, he came in as a big industrial person with a remarkable power of mental creation that organizes events – that's what entered the room – and then ... it melted. And I didn't put the full charge: I simply put some power like this (Mother lowers her hand), and I was looking him in the face. Then I felt something going on lower down; I looked: his hand was tightly clenched. So I stopped.
But the remarkable thing is that he was CORRECTLY conscious.
And he complained.”